I might probably be too late for you, I kick myself in the gut when I realise that Sunday was the last day I could have seen you perfect, still yourself, sick a little, but still fine.
I shamelessly took you for granted that you'd be there forever and ever, that nothing would ever come and ruin the moments I always took advantage of.
If my life was a movie, I would cut out the part where I missed you and rewrite the script again, so that I can see you, perfect and strong; my image hasn't changed since I was a little girl.
You look so fragile and thin, I don't know what to do or say. I don't know if I should give you a hug because I have never been so physically close with you before, I don't know if I should kiss you on your cheek and tell you how much I love you because we never do that.
I only held your hand and tried my hardest not to cry when I saw you lying there, eyes closed, with tubes intertwined all around your body as the machine pumped your body with oxygen, while you fought for your life. I never ran my fingers through your hair and I pinched myself so bad when I massaged your arm, only to realise that I could have hurt you even more than you can take.
I remember the times where you pretended that you swallowed a dice, only to have it appear on your head; I screamed and squealed in delight everytime you did that. You knew it was my favourite magic trick. You stopped doing that trick once you realised that I moved on to advanced entertainment that made the dice trick seem so passe.
You never say more than 10 words to me, but I love you anyway.
All I hope now is that you move on peacefully although I've heard from the doctor that you would either spill your guts out on your bed or have your already bleeding organs bleed more until your body cannot hold it together anymore, before you finally leave us.
I'm sorry I never showed that I care about you when I do. I'm just a coward because I don't dare show you how I feel about you and that I never say I love you to you whenever I had the chance to.
I hate myself. And I love you, I really do.
